hookers for virginity

[shoutout to julie sandurg for the title. which is actually kinda ironic, seeing how much the nt loves hookers and virgins an all...]

so, in this final installment, we’re gonna tackle the whole mashiach ben yoseph/mashiach ben david deal.

for those not i the know, there is the jewish concept of two messiahs: one descended for joseph and one from david. the concept of the joseph messiah is a purely rabbincal one, based on exegesis of zech 12:9-14

“And it shall come to pass in that day, [that] I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem.And I will pour upon the house of David, and upon the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the spirit of grace and of supplications: and they shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him, as one mourneth for [his] only [son], and shall be in bitterness for him, as one that is in bitterness for [his] firstborn.In that day shall there be a great mourning in Jerusalem, as the mourning of Hadadrimmon in the valley of Megiddon.And the land shall mourn, every family apart; the family of the house of David apart, and their wives apart; the family of the house of Nathan apart, and their wives apart;The family of the house of Levi apart, and their wives apart; the family of Shimei apart, and their wives apart;All the families that remain, every family apart, and their wives apart.”

ezekiel 37:15-28

“The word of the LORD came again unto me, saying,Moreover, thou son of man, take thee one stick, and write upon it, For Judah, and for the children of Israel his companions: then take another stick, and write upon it, For Joseph, the stick of Ephraim, and [for] all the house of Israel his companions:And join them one to another into one stick; and they shall become one in thine hand.And when the children of thy people shall speak unto thee, saying, Wilt thou not shew us what thou [meanest] by these?Say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will take the stick of Joseph, which [is] in the hand of Ephraim, and the tribes of Israel his fellows, and will put them with him, [even] with the stick of Judah, and make them one stick, and they shall be one in mine hand.And the sticks whereon thou writest shall be in thine hand before their eyes.And say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will take the children of Israel from among the heathen, whither they be gone, and will gather them on every side, and bring them into their own land:And I will make them one nation in the land upon the mountains of Israel; and one king shall be king to them all: and they shall be no more two nations, neither shall they be divided into two kingdoms any more at all:Neither shall they defile themselves any more with their idols, nor with their detestable things, nor with any of their transgressions: but I will save them out of all their dwellingplaces, wherein they have sinned, and will cleanse them: so shall they be my people, and I will be their God.And David my servant [shall be] king over them; and they all shall have one shepherd: they shall also walk in my judgments, and observe my statutes, and do them.And they shall dwell in the land that I have given unto Jacob my servant, wherein your fathers have dwelt; and they shall dwell therein, [even] they, and their children, and their children’s children for ever: and my servant David [shall be] their prince for ever.Moreover I will make a covenant of peace with them; it shall be an everlasting covenant with them: and I will place them, and multiply them, and will set my sanctuary in the midst of them for evermore.My tabernacle also shall be with them: yea, I will be their God, and they shall be my people.And the heathen shall know that I the LORD do sanctify Israel, when my sanctuary shall be in the midst of them for evermore.”

obadiah 1:17-21

“But upon mount Zion shall be deliverance, and there shall be holiness; and the house of Jacob shall possess their possessions.And the house of Jacob shall be a fire, and the house of Joseph a flame, and the house of Esau for stubble, and they shall kindle in them, and devour them; and there shall not be [any] remaining of the house of Esau; for the LORD hath spoken [it].And [they of] the south shall possess the mount of Esau; and [they of] the plain the Philistines: and they shall possess the fields of Ephraim, and the fields of Samaria: and Benjamin [shall possess] Gilead.And the captivity of this host of the children of Israel [shall possess] that of the Canaanites, [even] unto Zarephath; and the captivity of Jerusalem, which [is] in Sepharad, shall possess the cities of the south.And saviours shall come up on mount Zion to judge the mount of Esau; and the kingdom shall be the LORD’S.”

…as well as numerous other talmudic sources, the basic gist of all of them being the following:

1-they are two different people from two different tribal families.

2-they live at the same time.

3-joseph messiah never takes the throne nor is he entitled to.

4-joseph messiah is a warrior

5-joseph messiah will be killed in battle and will be the first to be raised from the dead by david messiah.

6-the period of time from when joseph messiah first shows up until he is resurrected after the david messiah avenges him is very short.

7-we’re looking at a seven year span, starting with problems that get better in the sixth year, then worse again. in the seventh there’s the gog/magog wars where at joseph messiah is successful, but then he gets killed. at the end of these seven years, david messiah shows up.

8-also, the usual gamut of in-gathering exiles, rebuilding temple, establishing temple service.

many christians try to claim jc as the “messiah son of joseph” [most prolly because jc is a son of a "joseph"]. however problems abound because:

1-”son of joseph” means the tribe, not the man. in fact, this mesiah is descended from ephraim.

2-the same lineage problems exist. even moreso, since the nt goes through great lengths to prove jc comes from david, so an ephraim descent is CLEARLY waaaay out of the picture

3-jc never fought or died in a war.

4-there was no “messiah son of david” opposite number for jc

5-jc cannot come back as the david messiah, as some christians try to claim. the two messiahs are two clearly different figures. also, its kinda impossible to come back and then resurrect yourself.

6-jc, again, accomplished none of the business of beginning the process of gathering the lost tribes, rebuilding the temple or re-establishing temple service [the last two of which, again, were impossible for him to accomplish since they were still ongoing in his time and didnt cease until nearly 40 years after his death].

anyhoo, thats all i got. maybe ill come back later and expand on the dual messiahs thing, but for right now, we’re done here.

and so i bid you all adieu. it’s been real kids.

part one: blacks for slavery

part two:cows for steak

part three: diabetics for sugar

part four: amish for technology

part five: nikes for reebok

part six: muslims for pork

–MaNishtana

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muslims for pork

so there’s this great parable i heard once:

a dude is walking through a forest and he sees an arrow stuck in a tree, dead center in the middle of a bullseye. he’s impressed. as he continues through the forest he sees another bullseye. and another. and another. finally, he makes it out the forest and encounters the archer. he runs up to him and says, “that was YOU shooting all those arrows? thats amazing! how’d you make the bullseye on ALL of those shots?”  “easy,” says the archer. “i just shoot the arrow, and when it hits, i draw the bullseye around it.”

the nt is a lot like that.

there’s so many falsified, misquoted and straight up MAKE BELIEVE prophecies to prove that jc is the real deal that its insane:

“And they said unto him, In Bethlehem of Judaea: for thus it is written by the prophet,And thou Bethlehem, [in] the land of Juda, art not the least among the princes of Juda: for out of thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel.” [matthew 2:5-6]

the claim is that jc being born in bethlehem fulfills the prophecy of micah 5:2:

“But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, [though] thou be little among the thousands of Judah, [yet] out of thee shall he come forth unto me [that is] to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth [have been] from of old, from everlasting.”

this is false b/c 1-”bethlehem” in micah is not a place. it is a tribal clan of judah:

“And Penuel the father of Gedor, and Ezer the father of Hushah. These [are] the sons of Hur, the firstborn of Ephratah, the father of Bethlehem.” [i chron 4:4]

hence bethlehem EPHRATAH in the original verse, which as you can see, was tailored in matthew to make it seem like the reference was to the city.

2-the verse when read IN CONTEXT refers to a military leader who will defeat the assyrians, which, of course, jc couldnt do since there werent any assyrians anymore:

“But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, [though] thou be little among the thousands of Judah, [yet] out of thee shall he come forth unto me [that is] to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth [have been] from of old, from everlasting.Therefore will he give them up, until the time [that] she which travaileth hath brought forth: then the remnant of his brethren shall return unto the children of Israel.And he shall stand and feed in the strength of the LORD, in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God; and they shall abide: for now shall he be great unto the ends of the earth.And this [man] shall be the peace, when the Assyrian shall come into our land: and when he shall tread in our palaces, then shall we raise against him seven shepherds, and eight principal men.And they shall waste the land of Assyria with the sword, and the land of Nimrod in the entrances thereof: thus shall he deliver [us] from the Assyrian, when he cometh into our land, and when he treadeth within our borders.” [micah 5:2-6]

“When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:And was there until the death of Herod: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Out of Egypt have I called my son.” [matt 2:14-15]

this is supposedly a fulfillment of hosea 11:1:

“When Israel [was] a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt.”

again, the verse has been edited to fit, b/c it is clear from the actual verse that this has nothing to do with jc, but the exodus from slavery in egypt.

“Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremy the prophet, saying,In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping [for] her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not.” [matt 2:17-18]

apparently a reference to jeremiah 31:15:

“Thus saith the LORD; A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation, [and] bitter weeping; Rahel weeping for her children refused to be comforted for her children, because they [were] not.”

however, IN CONTEXT the next two verses prove this refers to the babylonian captivity and has nothing to do with herod slaughtering babies:

“Thus saith the LORD; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy.And there is hope in thine end, saith the LORD, that thy children shall come again to their own border.” [jer 31:16-17]

“And he came and dwelt in a city called Nazareth: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophets, He shall be called a Nazarene.” [matt 2:23]

where does ANYTHING say that in the ot? hint: IT DOESNT.

“All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying,Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass.” [matt 21:4-5]

aside from describing jc blatantly creating a scenario just so a prophecy would be “fulfilled” this references zech 9:9:

“Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion; shout, O daughter of Jerusalem: behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he [is] just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass.”

this is impossible however, since, as the next two verses continue, the figure of the verse is a military leader AND king of an earthly kingdom:

“And I will cut off the chariot from Ephraim, and the horse from Jerusalem, and the battle bow shall be cut off: and he shall speak peace unto the heathen: and his dominion [shall be] from sea [even] to sea, and from the river [even] to the ends of the earth.As for thee also, by the blood of thy covenant I have sent forth thy prisoners out of the pit wherein [is] no water.Turn you to the strong hold, ye prisoners of hope: even to day do I declare [that] I will render double unto thee;When I have bent Judah for me, filled the bow with Ephraim, and raised up thy sons, O Zion, against thy sons, O Greece, and made thee as the sword of a mighty man.”

“But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?In that same hour said Jesus to the multitudes, Are ye come out as against a thief with swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me.But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.” [matt 26:54-56]

again, what prophet said this? what scripture? again: the answer is none.

“As it is written in the prophets, Behold, I send my messenger before thy face, which shall prepare thy way before thee.” [mark 1:2]

this claims to be john fulfilling the requirement that elijah will come first to announce the messiah:

“Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.” [malachi 3:1]

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD:” [malachi 4:5]

the problem is

1-its not elijah. its some guy named john

2-even when they asked john if was elijah, he said no. TWICE:

“And they asked him, What then? Art thou Elias? And he saith, I am not. Art thou that prophet? And he answered, No.” [john 1:21]

“And he said unto them, These [are] the words which I spake unto you, while I was yet with you, that all things must be fulfilled, which were written in the law of Moses, and [in] the prophets, and [in] the psalms, concerning me.Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures,And said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it behoved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day:” [luke 24:44-46]

yet another IMAGINARY SCRIPTURE PROPHECY

“For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me.” [john 5:46]

except he didnt. the ot “prophecies” are all from the prophets. the only thing moses wrote CLOSE to referring to jc is the section on prophets…which delineate why jc is a false one.

“He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” [john 7:38]

WHAT SCRIPTURE?????

“But when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was dead already, they brake not his legs:But one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side, and forthwith came there out blood and water.And he that saw [it] bare record, and his record is true: and he knoweth that he saith true, that ye might believe.For these things were done, that the scripture should be fulfilled, A bone of him shall not be broken.” [john 19:33-36]

1-this scripture ALSO doesnt exist.

2-it is said that this is a fulfillment of the prophecies of ex 12:46 and num 9:12. except those arent prophecies. they’re COMMANDMENTS:

“And the LORD said unto Moses and Aaron, This [is] the ordinance of the passover: There shall no stranger eat thereof:But every man’s servant that is bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, then shall he eat thereof.A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth ought of the flesh abroad out of the house; neither shall ye break a bone thereof.All the congregation of Israel shall keep it.” [ex 12:43-47]

“Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If any man of you or of your posterity shall be unclean by reason of a dead body, or [be] in a journey afar off, yet he shall keep the passover unto the LORD.The fourteenth day of the second month at even they shall keep it, [and] eat it with unleavened bread and bitter [herbs].They shall leave none of it unto the morning, nor break any bone of it: according to all the ordinances of the passover they shall keep it.” [num 9:10-12]

3-then comes the claim that jc was the paschal lamb or somesuch. the problems with that are:

a-Gd doesnt do human sacrifices [lev 18:21, 20:2-5,deut 12:31]

b-even if he DID the proper way to sacrifice a human would be to slit its throat, just like you would when sacrificing an animal [see abraham's attempt to sacrifice isaac gen 22:7-10:

"And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here [am] I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where [is] the lamb for a burnt offering?And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.”]

jc was crucified, which is NOT a method of sacrifice, which would thereby make him “invalid” if such a thing were even allowed. also, the crucifiction ITSELF didnt kill him, but the complications from it, so if he WERE a sacrifice, he’d be an animal that died of its wounds and not directly from being sacrificed and so would STILL be invalid:

“And ye shall be holy men unto me: neither shall ye eat [any] flesh [that is] torn of beasts in the field; ye shall cast it to the dogs.” [ex 22:31]

in short, the only way for jc to actually be a paschal lamb is if his throat was slit and he was eaten immediately and in haste, as the paschal is commanded to be eaten.

“Having therefore obtained help of God, I continue unto this day, witnessing both to small and great, saying none other things than those which the prophets and Moses did say should come:That Christ should suffer, [and] that he should be the first that should rise from the dead, and should shew light unto the people, and to the Gentiles.” [acts 26:22-23]

NO. ONE. SAID. THIS. EVER. PERIOD.

[shakes head]

alright kids. just ONE more to go.

part one: blacks for slavery

part two:cows for steak

part three: diabetics for sugar

part four: amish for technology

part five: nikes for reebok

–MaNishtana

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MaNishtana

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On Jewcy: http://www.jewcy.com/user/17504/manishtana

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